What if HE wins, mom?

There it was . My 7 year old said it. Leave it to that Diana Ross Wanna-Bee (DRWB) to just put it all out there.

"Well, I dunno". I answered.

(Smoooooooth...Phatush ...reaaaal...smooooth). Leave it to me to give thoughtful answers to those pressing questions. Thank God. I had just pulled up in front of school, and she was getting out.

"Uhhhhhh......let me think about it ..........andwe'll talk about it after school" .

This is all my fault for keeping CNN on when any decent mom would be letting her kids spend those 2 extra hours zombing out to Spongebob. Have I made her way too invested in the defeat of W on Tuesday? Damn, I thought that she wasn't paying attention. How wrong I was.

Did she really tell her second grade class proudly that she knew the names of the Bush twins - "Jenna and Tonic".

Did she really tell me " I hate Bush- and I'm going to k@#^ him"?. ( Phatush will not even spell out the four letter word due to her own paranoid fears)

Watch out DRWB we live in dangerous times ...In the current political climateyou'll find your 7 year old body in some Cuban detention cell sporting an orange jump suit.


It's not like I haven't thought about it. It's not like I haven't been following it. In fact most of my morning ritual involves downing coffee at Ozzie's with Mrs. Kravitz (MK) and Fire Starter Mom (FSM). We talk about kids, and the upcoming election. We sit, drink in hand, talking about the latest news we've read, and what can give us a win in November. I'd like to call this Starbucks Activism. That being said, MK and FSM are over the top smart, politically active, and socially aware. MK does vigils with her church and fundraising to end genocide around the world. FSM can trouble shoot any problem. When it comes to advocating for her pint size little guy, nothing compares... except maybe old episode of Wild Kingdom. Did I mention that they both move mountains in a New York City public school? NUF SAID?

What have I done? Big or small ?

Phatush, At 10, weren't you the first female boy scout? (That story went AP and had the Boy Scouts of America scrambling.)

Phatush, Wasn't that you '92 dumping a bag of clean needles at the Department of Health with the Lower East Side Needle Exchange.

Wait ...Wait ....Wait. Phatush ...You look familiar....You were a social worker ....Weren't you?...

It was August of 1996 in Atlanta .....you were that blond standing next to Bill Baird, the abortion rights activist, screaming at Randall Terry and Operation Rescue while the CNN cameras rolled. Did that priest really turn the afternoon into a wet t-shirt contest by nailing you with a bottle of holy water?

What happened?

Phatush, Why is it...... that in 2004 you can now name all the potential candidates on the last 4 seasons of The Bachelor....?

Tell me,was the last campaign you launched really trying to get close friends to nominate you for a full Swan makeover, rather than working in some local senate race?

Okay ...okay ....you did display remarkable abilities canvassing door to door with the Brownie cookie order forms last year . DRWB sold 200 boxes and landed a great plastic prize 3 months later. Just wondering , couldn't you have least mentioned something about Ratners new stadium going up 15 blocks away?

What happened?

OH YEAH... Marriage, pregnancy, buying a home, starting up a small business, another pregnancy, end of marriage , ongoing depression, therapy, single parenthood, laundry, dating, and all that goes with it.

Nuf said.

Cock-Blocked by a Six Year Old

Single with two young children in Brooklyn . . . And how exactly did this train wreck hit me ?????? OH YEAH !!!! By now the story is something of an urban legend . . .


Like Freddy Kruger meets Hand that Rocks the Cradle . . . Brooklyn style . . .

Her husband left with who???? Her son was how old when the husband started boinking the nanny/whore(NW) ???

Ladies, PLEASE . . . I love a good horror story as much as the rest of you, but at least wait until I'm out of earshot with my kids to dish about me in Carroll Park . . . fair enough? Most of all please stop rubbernecking my very own Lifetime, Channel 12 movie of the week. You all know the one I'm talking about? They may as well call it the Merdith Baxter Bernie Channel. Stories by women, for women. One-armed-woman-with-a-brain-tumor-who-is-currently-waiting-for-a-new-lung-is-cheated-on-by-her-husband. She recovers, and then uses her new Land Rover to hunt them down in a mall parking lot. Part Two, of course, (made a year later) is her trial, subsequent hung jury, and acquittal.

I never used a Land Rover, but I do have a flair for drama. I guess mine was more like like a right hook to the nanny/whore's face in a Chinese resturant in Queens. Patrons and waitstaff looked on in horror as I had to be pulled off of her by the Filipino Nanny Fucker (FNF). Had I really just given her a pay raise to both sleep with my husband and watch my kids? Did he really chase NW into the parking lot to see if she was okay, rather than worry about the mother of his two kids? I remember thinking: wasn't I thin enough? Wasn't I pretty enough? Didn't I watch enough gal-on-gal porn to keep him happy??? Maybe *that* was the problem -- the VCR had indeed been broken for the past 18 months. Or was it something else ? I remember now something about letting laundry mildew overnight in the washing machine. Wasn't much for paying attention to detail. That's funny . . . I showed Matlock-like abiltities being able to track you down that day, didn't I ?

This all happened WHEN ???? Yesterday?