Tortured

Even if John McCain and Phatush do not share many political views, they do have a lot in common.

On a bombing mission over Hanoi, McCain was shot down, badly injured, and captured by the North Vietnamese. He was a prisoner of war until 1973. McCain experienced episodes of torture, and refused an out-of-sequence early repatriation offer. His war wounds left him with lifelong physical limitations.

Phatush has been tortured for the last 12 years by DAK (Day After Kid) and DRWB (Diana Ross Wanna Be). McCain at least was given a private cell to hang out in for 5 years to put his coherent thoughts together. Phatush has not taken an uninterrupted crap for almost a decade and a half. McCain's privacy for 6 years straight..... To Phatush, this sounds like a Club Med vacation. Where does she sign?

You want to talk about McCain's lifelong physical limitations...... After experiencing childbirth twice Phatush has been left with a gut she can't get rid of.... and a cottage cheese ass that will never see a swimsuit again. That's what irreparable lifelong damage is.

The Vietnamese were masters at trying to break MCain and get him to denounce his country. Unfortunately, DAK and DRWB have even a better plans. They have engaged the help of outside forces to assist with the torture: they enlist the help of their grandparents COD and BM (Crabby Old Dude and Brisket Maker). They give daily reports to the GPEC (Grand Parent Enemy Combatants) about Phatush's neglectful parenting skills and failure to provide them with the essentials, such as: Lego Star Wars, the entire Juicy Couture spring line, and 26 flavors of ice cream in the freezer at all times. When they really are trying to break Phatush, they think nothing of calling on their dads.... Phatush's husband #1, FNF (Filipino Nanny Fucker) and husband #2, BH (Baggage Handler). They are ruthless and will show no mercy.

McCain made a video to send home where he spoke about his love of his family and how he wanted to return safely... in comparison... Phatush has never had one cell phone call without DAK and DRWB interrupting and asking her another useless question like....."Is it really important to brush our teeth?".... or "Do you know what I want for Hanukkah ???" ... (in the middle of March).

McCain was never subjected to 4 hours of searching for just the right pair of Ugg boots 10 days before Christmas, and then told.... "You know what? ..... UGGS SUCK!!"

McCain never had to watch a 6 hour Christmas pageant and then be told afterward,
"YOU WEREN'T THERE..... I DIDN'T SEE YOU CLAPPING FOR ME!!"

McCain was never told, "YOUR DINNER TASTED LIKE POISON!!!!!"
(To be fair, after that critique Phatush never used Heinz ketchup on top of her meatballs again.)

Rumor even has it that McCain left the Hanoi Hilton 42 lbs thinner..... NOT TOO SHABBY.