Can you find my __________________???????

Phatush spends most of each morning being asked to locate family members various items that have not been seen of since Nixon visited China.

It's a game that would make Monty Hall on Lets Make a Deals head spin. All that's missing is a cash reward when she locates the missing prize.

For example .....

DAK (Day After Kid)- MOM.....Did you see the Lego hat that I had in my pocket this summer when I left for camp....went to my dad's house .......and then spent the weekend there......I think the last time I saw it was after the July 4th fireworks in Battery Park ..............and then I dropped it down the back seat of the other car we sold sometime before school started in September ........?????? or maybe I left it at grandmas ....or maybe in Montauk when we were there this summer .

BH (Baggage Handler) - Yeah .....Where did you put my Rangers tee-shirt .....you know .....the one that doesn't fit ......it's my lucky shirt ......the last time I wore it they won the Stanley Cup ....that was in the mid 90's .....????

DRWB- (Diana Ross Wanna Be )..... (at 11:45 pm on a Sunday night ) I need that THING .....you know .....THAT THING.....How could you not know what I'm talking about???? I need it for TOMORROW.....If I don't have it tomorrow I'll fail out of 7th grade and be a NOTHING like you......you want me to fail .....DON'T YOU??????....IF DAK NEEDED THAT THING YOU'D FIND IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE THE WORST MOTHER EVER!!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW IT .... You love DAK more than me !!!!!!!

Hear this family .....Phatush is not Matlock ......I'm not even that crazy bitch on Murder She Wrote .....

My uterus is not a homing device !!!!! When you were born they didn't put a GPS up my box that secretly locates missing items.

NEWSFLASH .....

Try looking for what you need in the last place you saw it .....Works every time.