Phatush and Alcoholics Anonymous

Yup.... Phatush needs help and believes A.A. is the place for her...


Does she struggle with drugs and alcohol?.......Well .......not so much.

Except for a bad episode one Passover with a manischewitz Dry Malaga Wine Cooler, she has never had a problem with her alcohol intake.

So why AA now ????

Millions of people worldwide have found help and support in the rooms....... all true.

Does Phatush need 90 meetings in 90 days? Again, not so much.

She needs other help around alcohol use and abuse.

Phatush works in a infamous Brooklyn bar on the weekends. Late at night, it's hard to get a cab to take her home a mere 20 blocks away..... So this is where AA comes in.
Phatush knows that there is an emergency help line that gets people away from bars and drinking and brings them home safely...... Trust me..... after working from 7pm to 5am, Phatush needs to be as far away from booze and people boozing as humanly possible. She doesn't think she would have much trouble making the crisis call at the end of a long night.

It would go something like this......

CW (Crisis Worker)- Hello, How can I help you tonight?

Phatush- I'm outside this bar..... My clothes and hair smell like whiskey...... I feel disgusting...... I really don't want to go back inside...... I'm scared for my mental health.....

CW- I understand.

Phatush- I need to leave here ASAP. Can you send someone to come get me?...I don't ever want to serve... ahhhh... I mean..... drink again.

CW- Of course you don't.

Phatush - I feel powerless......

CW- That's the first step....

Phatush- No, the first step is really getting me the fuck home.....

CW- We will send someone to get you right away.

Phatush- Great.... I'll be the one locking up... I mean..... waiting outside with the purse full of singles.

Phatush is not sure how many times she can play this game before the well intended AA members catch on. So there is a back up plan.

Phatush will attend various AA meeting and grab herself a sponsor. The whole idea of being able to reach out to someone at any time to get help and support is not something to be taken lightly. Phatush knows first hand that good help often does not come cheap. Her own therapist, after years treatment, has added the "Phatush Sun Porch and Game Room" to her upstate home.

AA meetings ????..... Not a problem.... Phatush can listen to people ramble on for hours without a problem. If only they offered free babysitting.... Not to mention the crap coffee and cookies.... Sign her up.

So a sponsor is really the best way to go.... Phatush would reach out for free help to her sponsor and get her needs met. She'll get help with the issues that come up daily:

• How long do you cook at 7 lbs. chicken at 350 degrees?
• How do you get blood off of drapes?
• Can you pick DAK (Day After Kid) up at 3:10 since I need at nap?
• I'm overdrawn again.... Can you deposit $100 to my Citibank checking?

Phatush would think of a sponsor as her own 24 hour personal assistant.....


She's looking up the meeting list now.... and opening a beer.