The Trip Part 2

Before the trip began Phatush needed answers to some pretty pressing questions..... and the teachers would have to update her immediately.

1) When would the Ritalin be given out, and would there be extra for the parent volunteers?

2) Would we be doing a quick stop at a nail salon and Banana Republic for a full waxing and make over for the mom with the mustache and the mom pants?

3) Would they be distributing kid leashes? ..... because if so, she needed 4 of them.....(2 for today ...and 2 for the Hanukkah grab bag)

and finally...

4) Upon our arrival, would there be any drink specials at the open bar?

The rest of the day went down like this ...... the parent volunteers were assigned children to guard....much like the guards in 'Silence of the Lambs' were assigned to watch over Hannibal Lecter....and that didn't end well.... Each parent was given 2 kids ....one alien visitor from Planet 10 and a regular kid....

After 8 years of parenting DAK Phatush does not mind guarding aliens.... but she did have one simple request...... No kids with ridiculous names!!!!!!! She just couldn't see herself spending the day saying things like, "Get over here, Caligula!" and "Stop running around and hold my hand, Mercury!"

Phatush was entrusted with two 7 year-old girls during this outing..... and let me tell you, she hasn't heard girls dish like that since hanging out with two drag drag queens during Gay Pride in 1996....

Phatush learned about one girl's parents' divorce and the mom's last 4 boyfriends...... and the other kid's almost kidnapping in IKEA last weekend while shopping for flatware.

Phatush was horrified by what she just heard.....Who the hell buys flatware at IKEA?

This was nothing compared to trying to cross Broadway in downtown SOHO with 4 kids in tow..... It was like playing a human game of "Frogger."

DAK is now safely back in his Brooklyn classroom a mile away from Phatush. Where he belongs.

For some strange reason he asked Phatush not to go on anymore class trips.