OPM- Other People Moms

Last week DAK (Day After Kid) informed me that he wanted me to be more like BND's (Boy Next Door) mom....

It went something like this ...

DAK - " You should be more like BND's mom".

Phatush- " What, Canadian?"

DAK - "No.... Darker"

Phatush- "Darker????? .... Come on.... Don't I always wear black?"

DAK- "No, just.... uh.... she's...... uh....... normal"

Phatush- "I'M NORMAL! ....kinda. "

Okay, so BND's mom and I are two very different moms. This is not the first time that this claim has been made. I was once told this by another mom at a PTA event....... This is how she put it (said with attitude):

"Let's just say that we are two very different moms."

I wasn't sure what she meant by this.... But I blinked, then exhaled slowly and responded. I pointed out to her this was 100% true, that we are 2 very different moms.... She shows up to school with 'Camel Toe,' and, for the most part..... I don't.
(Okay there is that one pair I black jeans that I have a slight problem with....)


I'll say it here: I'll never be like BND's mom. She is pretty, soft spoken, her socks match, and... well..... she's Canadian. She wears pretty pink lipstick and doesn't go to work each day with smokey eyeshadow and blood red lip gloss. Bra-less, her boobs don't gracefully graze her knees the way mine do.

My hair will never go neatly into a bob cut. (I've tried. When attempted, I bear a striking resemblance to Ronald McDonald.) There will always be 2 inches of dark roots to my blond hair.... my ass will always have it's own zip code.... and I drop the 'F-bomb' almost as often as I use my kids' names.

I'd like to think that my personal sense of style is Stevie Nicks in her pj's meets Courtney Love exiting Promises Rehab.